things not to do

You don’t tug on Superman’s cape
You don’t spit into the wind
You don’t pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger
And you don’t mess around with Jim
—Jim Croce

In addition:

1. Don’t lie to the feds.
2. Don’t argue with Food Network judges.

You can sometimes negotiate with the feds if you admit to some level of guilt. What they really hate is being lied to. Martha Stewart learned that the hard way. It’s why she ended up spending time in federal prison.

If you’re on a Food Network competition show, don’t argue with the evaluation that the judges give your cooking. Don’t try to explain or justify yourself. It’s likely to cause you to be the one to be sent home that week. And in any case you’ll just annoy the viewers.

I’m just sayin’.